Dreams

It's hard to let go of dreams. It's one thing for a dream to fade away, but it's another to have to give it up because you know you can't achieve it.

Ever since I saw Julie Nguyen leading a DCM, I wanted to be an LTG. Paul and Richard kept pushing me to do it, but I wasn't sure if I was right for the job yet. Then, I saw JCAO have an amazing year of being an LTG and I wanted to be it more. But I was still unsure of it. I think I started to really dream about being an LTG this year. I thought I'd be able to handle the load and everyone was so encouraging. I even started thinking about what I would say in my speech at conclave.. haha.

It's SO HARD to let go of a dream I've had for the last 2 years. I worked so hard thinking that MAYBE, just MAYBE I'd be able to make it come true. I don't want to admit that I'm not cut out for the job, that I shouldn't even TRY. It's frustrating. It occupies my mind all day.

There are so many reasons why I can't be LTG:
1. I'm not that involved in Key Club anymore.
2. There are others who are more qualified.
3. Oxford KC needs some saving right now.
4. NO TIME.
5. NO TIME.
6. NO TIME.
7. I need to focus on more important stuff. School. College apps. God.

If I wasn't in basketball and golf and NHS and Oxford, I know I would be an excellent LTG. But I'm committed to all these things. I can't just give everything up for Key Club. It's so hard to let it go though! It feels like I'm sort of letting everyone down. And I'm at a loss of what position to run for now. Being president might even be too much for me. But after all this effort put into KC, I sort of don't want a lower position. I can't believe I'm obsessing over positions after criticizing that KCers care too much about position. What a hypocrite.