Surface

I just had a very interesting conversation with someone.

It was one of those conversations where you open up to the other person and talk about deep stuff. But there was a twist. Both of us acted like we were talking about some everyday matter. It's like, both of us were laughing and the tone was pretty light, but the words coming out of our mouths were deep and serious. It might be because I don't really KNOW that person. But I think it's more that we understood that underneath the laughing, there was a deeper level to the whole conversation. I think. It wasn't the first time I had a conversation like that, but the experience is so weird that I never really get used to it. I enjoyed it though.. got a few things off my chest and received some advice on what to do in the future.

The whole event got me thinking on how I live my life. I seem like a pretty happy person who is able to do everything (sports, ok grades, clubs, etc.), but on a deeper level, I'm so much more serious. Everyone's always says, "Judy, why are you always smiling?" and stuff which I think reflects how much I smile on the outside.They think I'm all about joking around and being carefree, and don't take me seriously. It's true that I like to smile and joke around, but I actually think really deeply into things, especially my actions. It's sort of bittersweet to be in this position. Since people don't really expect much out of me, they don't give me pressure (at Oxford, smart people always get pressure. ew), but at the same time, they don't view me as a sincere person. They think I'm not someone they should get close to because I don't seem to have a serious side that they can have a heart-to-heart conversation with. At least that's how I THINK people view me. I think I'm pretty intimidating too... but I can't help it. It's just my introvertedness coming out. :(

Dang. I wish I had a nice, supportive, Christian best friend who understood me so I could talk to her (maybe him) about everything.. external and spiritual.

And Jessica, if you're reading this, NO you may not be that best friend. Being your sister is enough for me. Haha.