I dislike technology. To the max. Sure, the internet is fun and sure, homework would take A LOT more work than right now (flipping through dictionaries and encyclopedias and indexes.. ew). But, it's ruining the quality of life! Sometimes I wish I was born in a small town when there were no TVs or computers or cars. I can't help but imagine how much more rich my relationships with others could be. I'd hang out with my friends everyday because we would be practically neighbors, and everything we needed to have fun would be within walking distance. I'd be forced to confront people I don't like and learn how to get along with others since I'd be forced to see everyone everyday. I wouldn't have to have deep conversations behind a computer screen or through a telephone. I REALLY hate how most of the serious talks I've had with my friends have been through email or chat. Those kinds of conversations should be done face-to-face, heart-to-heart. But it's not like I can drive 15 minutes to go see them! And when I do see them personally, I don't want to drag everyone down by spilling all my pent up stress to them. Everyone seems to be getting closer and closer through technology. When friends have problems everyone says "tell me on aim!" or "call me!." But that just bothers me. We shouldn't have to talk about our problems to a bright screen or a phone. It's seriously the easy way out. I hate easy way outs, especially when it comes to friendships. It's like we're all hiding behind the computer screen. I hate how all my friendships are so shallow. How I can't seem to connect with anyone. I want friends that I can just lie in the park and relax with. Friends I can talk about life for hours and hours while relaxing at Starbucks. Friends I can play sports with. Friends I can talk about anything with. Friends I can lean on; friends I can cry and laugh and scream with.
Haha I'm so pathetic. I just realized how stupid I sound. I'm blaming technology for my lack of true friends. Technology does make things harder but it's not like I'm trying either. I guess I should try to reach out to others more. But I suck at doing so. I lack confidence when it comes to befriending others. I want to get closer to everyone at Oxford, and I mean EVERYONE (except maybe like 4 ppl) but I'm scared to approach them. I want a really close friend, but I'm afraid to deepen my relationships. I'm such a coward it's not even funny. LOL. I doubt I'm the only one who feels like this though. Hopefully I can find more people like me and connect with them before the end of highschool.
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