Loser? NOPE.

Lately, everyone's been acting as if me losing KC President means the end of the world. Some of my key club friends even avoid me at school. -_- THANKS GUYS. So much for being friends. :( But whatever, I understand where they're coming from and how it may seem awkward. Plus, they have to confront me sooner or later (teehee, board meeting Tuesday! >:]).

But I guess I understand where they're coming from. After all, who could be more depressed about me losing Presidency than me? I gave 200 hours of my life serving the community through Key Club and about 10 more hours each month (totaling about 300 hours) serving as an officer. I firmly believe I gave more to this club than anyone else who is currently at OAKC (maybe except Pauline). It feels like I'm always the one who tries the hardest yet gets the least recognition.

People say to run for another position. Pauline and Cindy even said they'd make an exception to the rule and allow me to run for VP! That's BS. That's messed up on various levels. First, I refuse to accept anything lower than Presidency. I hate moving down ranks. I've been BE, I've been Secretary, so I must at least be President. I want to increase my influence, not lower it. If I can't be President, I need to be a member. That's the beauty of Key Club. In all other clubs, an officer is regarded as a higher position than a member. But in Key Club, the officer serves the members, so the members are the ones in the highest position. Second, no matter what happens, I will NOT cheat my way into office. That means I will never be OAKC President or VP. Even if Tim begged me to be President instead of him, I will NOT because that would be going against the majority vote. Even if Pauline and Cindy make an exception to the rules, I won't will NOT run because it's going against established rules. If I cheat my way to power, then how can I be a righteous leader?

Other people say that I should quit Key Club. That Key Club is stupid. That it betrayed me. The strange thing is, the people who tell me this are all my Key Club friends. THEY'RE STUPID. They obviously did not learn after all these years that my love for Key Club runs deeper than that. They did not learn all these years that Key Club is about service, not stupid positions. Seriously, as soon as they told me this, I lost my respect for them.

So what am I going to do now? First and foremost, I'm going to put on a smile at every Key Club event until I start meaning it. Also, at Tuesday's board meeting, I will congratulate Tim--and mean it. I will keep all my Key Club friends and make new ones. I will continue my duties until April and go to board meetings with the seniors until June... after that, I'll be a member. I will inspire all other members to love Key Club and love service. I will move more hearts and instill more passion than any other officer. I will support OAKC with all my strength. I will help out any officer who needs my experience as the longest board member. I will do all this as a regular member.

Yes, it feels like I'm the loser in all of this. Yes, it feels like I'm going to get no credit for helping OAKC out this much. BUT, I don't care anymore. In truth, I never liked officer duties. It was filled with so many formalities and busy-work that I considered useless. The only reason I stayed was because I considered all those meaningless tasks as the price to pay to be part of the OAKC board. To be able to lead a club with my friends. To be able to influence and inspire others. People listen when you're an officer. People pay attention. I guess that's why I wanted to be President. I wanted to motivate our club again. I wanted people to gain everything I gained through Key Club and more. But members only listen to officers, not other members. So I put everything into my newsletters, MRFs, and ORFs. If they were the price I needed to pay to lead members to making a better life for themselves, I would pay it.

But now, I've realized that I can influence people even without being an officer. Everyone knows who I am now. And if they don't, I'll go and introduce myself. Now, I can move people to serve without an official title. I know college app reviewers won't be able to see how many hearts I move or how much work I put into Key Club, but I don't care. I'm doing this for me. And God.

God. That's another thing. I'm pretty sure He's putting me through a test right now. After all, He wouldn't take away my dreams of being LTG and President without a reason. I admit that at times, I may have loved Key Club a bit too much. I used to pray that he didn't take it away because the Lord "gives and takes." So now, He's testing me. Do I love Him more than Key Club? This question that I use to ask myself all the time.. He now demands my answer. And, I think my answer is YES. I DO love Him more than Key Club. When I lost Presidency, it hurt like heck, but I didn't get angry with Him. I knew He made it happen, but instead of getting mad, I went to Him for help. And He helped me. Day by day, He made the pain become less. But the Lord had to resort to such methods to get that answer out of me. For my last year of Key Club, I'll make sure to show Him that He is, and always will be, my number 1.

By losing the Presidency, I have gained more. I have gained hope. Gained motivation. Gained freedom from trivial tasks. Gained a stronger faith. At times I will falter and maybe even resent that I lost. But at those times, may He remind me of all that I have gained.

.. Dannnggg, this is one long post.