Key Club troubles

I love Key Club. I really feel that I do. My encounter with it was surrounded by such great people that I felt that God showed me this club. Peter's rants about how Key Club is the greatest thing in the world made me interested in it. Paul's lesson on how to do the "how do you feel?" cheer during the first meeting of my freshman year made me fall in love with it. And the OC Marathon event where all these Key Clubbers were so welcoming to a freshie like me made me passionate about it. I firmly believed that Key Club was a safe place where teens can come to for fun and refuge while we served the community. I really did feel like I was making a difference in my community and that became my drive to keep going to events.

But what about now??

Now, it's all about position. People telling me to become president, ltg, or even a district officer! What's even more amazing is that I actually do want it! I WANT to be ambitious, to climb to the top of the Key Club hierarchy. But WHY?! Why do I have such motives? Isn't it enough that I'm surrounded by great people and that I'm helping the community? I keep telling myself that it's because I want to give back to the club that gave me so much. I want to try my best to get to a higher position so that I can influence more teens to help the community and to help more of those in need. BUT is that really the reason? Is that truly what my heart desires? What if I'm lying to myself? What if I'm just doing this just for COLLEGE? What if I do get the position and let everyone down? When I think about all of this, I just want to give up. I just want to go back to the freshman Judy who just wanted to help the community by little acts of kindness. The Judy who was content with working at HOPE Food Distribution twice a month. I would rather leave the higher positions to those who have pure motives of helping Key Club grow--those who really deserve it. This new, ambitious Judy scares me.

And yet, I feel like I am qualified to serve in the higher positions. I gave so much of my time and effort for the past few years not JUST because I want to serve the community, but because I love Key Club as well! Though its main focus is community service, Key Club provides so much more to teens! It gives us lifelong friends, it gives us incredible mentors, and it shows us that we have the power to make a difference. I want to help and lead such a great organization! Is this enough of a drive to be able to try out for the higher positions of Key Club? Will I be able to use the trust and support everyone has given me to reach higher than I thought possible? I hope so. Because I really don't want to let down those who trust me.